The Millennials are coming…

Over the course of the last several months, I have applied for internship positions in the Mental Health, and Addiction fields so I can begin accumulating my clinical hours for graduation from my Clinical Mental Health program.

One of the things I took note of is my competition is much younger, and it reminded me of a diversity workshop I put together two years ago entitled, “Can’t We All Just Get Along? Understanding the Four Generations in the Workplace.  Oh, did I mention that 80% of my classmates in my Mental Health program are millennials?

So as I change careers in my ah, awe, coughing, 50s…I started looking at the millennials in my workplace to prepare me for my interview. The first thing, I realized is that they are loyal, just in a different way than the generations before them…and before you think, yeah they are different all right (lose the snarkiness, I know a lot of people who are not fans of millennials, but I am a fan of combining the best elements from both generations).

They should be different!

They are smarter than you give them credit for being…they saw many of the BabyBoomers, and Generation Xers lose their jobs overseas after 30-40 years of loyalty to one company.  They see us struggle to fight for healthcare benefits after retirement that we were promised before retirement, only to have them yanked away away we retire.

Ok, I am saying we, but I am really a Generation Xer but I digress.

So anyway back to the blog, they are usually loyal to causes over a specific business entity.  Being Eco-friendly, health conscious, credit savvy, and defining work-life balance by living life for meaningful experiences rather than the all mighty dollar are just a few of their causes.

Another characteristic I gleamed from working with millennials is their ability to be innovative, solution-focused, ingenuity driven (yes often times it seems from their lack of focus, and/or short attention span, but it beats the it has always been done like this mentality). I give them lots of credit they are not stuck in a one-way-of-doing things mind set.

Then there is the but I have more experience argument…well, as I prepared for my interview, I ran across this article that addresses experience in the workplace as not a winning factor for being the best candidate in the interview selection process.

Hmm, so as a GeneratioinXer changing careers in midlife my independent research has shown me that it is important to watch the trends, and the trendsetters in the workplace…The millennials are not coming, They are here!

They are changing the workforce, and  they didn’t come here via spaceship, we taught them what they know, if we are to remain relevant, we need to listen to what they have to teach.

Oh, by the way…Leopard Print Eagle Girl is a millennial, we have had some major differences in the last few months, but she approves of this message, and we have decided to start working together again to blog regularly…please standby.

CoachTBankston aka The ChangeDoula.com

 

The MIS-adventures of Leopardprint Eagle Girl & her sidekick Coach T

Just where did Leopardprint Eagle Girl come from you ask? Well maybe not you but somebody did, just trust me.

As the narrator of the adventures of Leopardprint Eagle and Coach T let me introduce myself.

I am Tanya R. Bankston.

The “R” well there is my legal government name which is not really important, and then there is the “R” that stood for Rejected. Growing up I was always rejected…I was too dark, too thin, too tall, my feet were too big, and I talked too much!

My family loved me sure, but outside of my family I got these messages of rejection reinforced all the time!

Leoparprint Eagle girl was born out of that Rejection! The funny thing is that she didn’t really fully develop until I was well into my 40s, yes 40s!

Who said, adults could not believe in super heroes? Super heroes are not just for children…ok, so anyway…back to the story.

She was born out of my need to be heard…my desire to speak without waiting to be spoken to, and my cry to be heard when I had been hurt, rejected, and mistreated.

She is courageous, she is an advocate, she is a servant-leader, she is transparent, and she will NOT allow her voice to be silenced.

She wears a huge “R” on her chest and it stands out for REsilience, REscued, and REstored as she seeks to encourage, inspire, and impart to other women who have experienced brokenness,  abandonment, and rejection to use their pain to overcome the past.

Don’t get the message twisted the side-kick Coach T carriers her message of strength, and courage too.

As for me, I am just Tanya R Bankston reminding you to Aim High, Take Flight, and Come Soar with me to Greater Heights.

Truth or Fact?

How many times has someone shared a truth with you, but you rejected the message because of the messenger or the presentation of the message? I used to be the master at rejecting messages from my mother. My mother was a wise women with a 9th grade education, many people rejected her messages because she always talked about Jesus. I can remember people saying, “She is so heavenly bound that she is no earthly good” or “She is fanatical”. I remember feeling like this towards my mother too at one point in my life.

I can even remember in 1985, when she first accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior that I went to the church to SAVE her because I knew that whoever was at the church talking to her did not have the best intentions in mind for her. I still laugh at this because I went to the church, repented, and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior (this is another story). I was the rebellious 17 year old, and I gave my mother hell! If she said, “Go right”, I would go left. If she said, “The sky is blue”, for sure I would determine it to be purple. These days I long to recall messages, and other nuggets of her wisdom since her passing in 2019, but that is another story for another time.

My mother had a prayer closet and prayers all over the walls in 1985, I mean at first it was post-it-notes, then index cards, and before she left here she literally wrote on the wall in permanent marker prayers, scriptures, confirmations, and affirmations. This was long before the movie, “War Room” made prayer closets popular in its 2015 debut.

There are so many versions of truth but not every truth is a fact, nor is every fact truth. For the sake of this blog, facts are those things that cannot be proven not true. Lets look at the law of gravity for example, if you drop something, it doesn’t float up (unless you are in space where there is no gravity), but things fall down. Another fact, all humans need oxygen to breathe. If you don’t believe that to be a fact, stop breathing for 10 minutes, you can’t do it, you are hardwired to gasp for air after a few minutes. These are both undisputed facts whether we accept them as truth or not. Defying this facts could prove to be detrimental.

How many times have you heard something and denied its truth only to hear it again from someone else, and suddenly, the truth stood out to you? People closest to us often don’t accept truth from us, we saw this illustrated in the bible with Jesus. He wasn’t accepted in his hometown of Nazareth. It is difficult to look at the truth, rather than the person who is speaking. As we mature, accepting truth that aligns with fact, and with a spirit of discernment should become easier.

But that is not automatic.

One aspect of this evolution is seeking truth that is based on beyond what society approves as truth. My belief system is that God, Jehovah Jirah, my Heavenly Father is the supreme being. We could debate for decades about ethnicity, origin, lineage, etc of Jesus Christ but that doesn’t add to or take away from my truth, and my belief doesn’t support it as a fact for you. My point is that our truths are based on our values, and belief systems…these can become fact when time after time they have been proven to be truth. If my truths can help me become a better version of myself, and learn to be a more loving, compassionate human being, then my truth can become a fact for someone else.

My Mommy’s handwriting on the wall. Picture taken March 2023

Hello, World.

• The Millennials are coming…

  Aug 26

• The MIS-adventures of Leopardprint Eagle Girl & her sidekick Coach T

  Oct 8

• Truth or Fact?

  Mar 19

• CoachTBankston was caught UnPrepared for the perfect storm (Leopard Print Eagle and Tanya Bankston didn’t prepare either, it wasn’t just me!)

  Sep 21

• The Power of consistent Self-Care

  Feb 17

CoachTBankston was caught UnPrepared for the perfect storm (Leopard Print Eagle and Tanya Bankston didn’t prepare either, it wasn’t just me!)

Those who know me know that I like to be prepared for the uncertain. For example, I keep an umbrella,  and my car has at least three.  My car also has a shovel, at least three first aid kits, a blanket, safety flares, jumper cables, etc.  My desk at work has an emergency backpack with first aid, food rations, a thermal blanket, a solar radio, etc.  Ok, I was one of those people who bought food rations, water (water cleaning tablets), candles (waterproof matches), and hand can openers for Y2K.  Remember the world was going to end when the calendar changed to 2000, oh wait, the digital time system wasn’t gonna work, ok wait, what was gonna happen!?  At least I was prepared!

Yes, I purchase warranties on products and have extra insurance, too.  Normally, I purchase in three, one to use, one to store, and one to bless (my version of the trinity in daily practice). This is my normal…I don’t like to get caught unprepared. I am that person who thinks, “What if” and I prepare for the worse while expecting the best.  As my granny would say, “Give it the benefit and the doubt.”  I look at escape plans and I live in preparation mode most of the time.

I am not paranoid, but I don’t appreciate being caught unprepared! Most of my friends know this and either tease me or adds to my preparation just in case there is an actual emergency.  When there is an emergency, I am not panicked because I have prepared. I have been in many emergency situations and I didn’t panic (until everything was calm, and then I freaked out).

Recently, I had several situations to occur that I was unprepared for and each situation took me off my square.  The first earthquake occurred when I   was fired from my job in 2018.   The 8.9 seismograph Richter scale event shook me to my core, and left years of affirming, confidence building, and investing in myself toppled in a matter of minutes amid the remaining rubble of shame, guilt, and embarrassment.  The aftershocks have occurred often since the initial earthquake as it relates to applying for new jobs, shifting my references, and accounting for a seven-year block of resume time without lying to future employers.  Oh, how can I forget, I am over 50 now that is an added element in my forced job search that I didn’t prepare for either, but that is another blog!

As bad as this was, it was no comparison to the tsunami that occurred on March 13, 2019, when my mother died suddenly.  Oh my God, it is still so fresh…decades and decades of rubble have been left as I search the debris for memories, conversations, and life legacies to cherish her and hold onto her presence.   Almost every stage of the grieving process brings with it high winds, torrential downpour rain, gigantic hail, mudslides,  and tornadoes, all at the same time and with no predictive indications (where is the chief meteorologist when you need him).  I call this the perfect storm because my preparation requires me to become familiar with the unfamiliar…these events have taught me to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.  I have learned to pray, prepare, and plan, but more importantly to trust God!

I have to admit, I have been angry with God recently! Maybe some people may think this is sacrilegious but I trust that God is big enough to handle my human frailty.  I thought I could prepare for every emergency, and I sought solace in my preparation.  Even in my best preparation, I was unprepared for the perfect storm.

Now, I am better prepared by understanding that my preparation is seeking shelter in the secret place of the Most High as the storm rages on.  Storms come and storms pass I just prepare differently.

Until next time…prepare for the storm. It’s coming!

Tanya R Bankston, Change Doula

 

 

The Power of consistent Self-Care

This gallery contains 2 photos.

Originally posted on CoachTBankston's Blog :
This week alone, I have indulged in several group discussions on self-care, I have read a powerful article on the importance of self-care for those in the helping professions, and I have proactively nurtured,…

The Power of consistent Self-Care

This week alone, I have indulged in several group discussions on self-care, I have read a powerful article on the importance of self-care for those in the helping professions, and I have proactively nurtured, and protected my self-care regime.

It seems that self-care is the latest buzz word, and I am excited about the trend, especially for women! We wear so many hats as a wife, mother, professional, caregiver, nurturer to many, and the list goes on…many times we wear multiple hats at once.  So much multitasking makes the need for self-care a greater Necessity, not to mention statistics prove that multitasking is not as effective as we once believed!

So what is all the buzz about self-care you may ask?  Is it just a selfish trendy catchphrase used by people looking for an excuse to be narcissistic, or conceited? Maybe for some people both are true, but for the overwhelming majority of women, self-care is vital to our daily functioning.  According, to The World Health Organization, and Mental Health America women suffer from depression more than men.  Women also suffer cardiovascular disease and strokes at alarming rates due to stress.

So what makes self-care so valuable? Placing yourself last in line after caring for others is normal for many women, but is it a good idea? For example,  a working single mother caring for children includes the tasks of being the nurse, educator, mediator, protector, provider, etc…self-care could look like taking a fifteen-minute power nap after work, before dinner, and/or after homework.    Self-care can look like 30 minutes of exercise, quiet time reflecting in prayer or journaling in the stillness of the morning, before the alarm clock.  Oh, yes, the alarm clock (and other electronic devices used to set reminders) could be an excellent tool to help you develop the practice to attend to your self-care.

Self-care is so much more than just a pedicure, manicure, facial, or massage (but those are excellent forms of self-care).  Self-care can include time with nature such as taking a brisk walk, stopping to smell the roses, or practicing mindfulness deep breathing. My suggestion to my clients is to create a list of those things that you enjoy doing to replenish your spirit, mind, and body. It is best if the items are free to low-cost, and do not involve “things” (shopping for a new pair of shoe is not necessarily self-care, I know we like to think retail therapy is therapy, but I have yet to see that in any of my counseling educational materials).

My point, regarding self-care, is to constantly refill your spiritual, mental, and emotional cup so that you are giving from your overflow rather than waiting until your reservoir is depleted to fill it up again.  As nurturers, and helpers we are always better at caring for others when we are consistent in our self-care…and we learn that we have the greater capacity to love when you first love yourself.

Coach Tanya R Bankston, Change Doula

http://www.coachtbankston.com

www.bit.ly/8ThingsMom

Coach T Speaks…Holding onto crutches that keep you stuck.

Let me start by indicating this is not directed towards anybody who uses crutches as their designed purpose…for mobility.

I want to be sensitive to anyone who has physical challenges that require the use of crutches, canes, wheelchairs, or any other portable mobility devices.  In fact, most people who I personally know do NOT allow their physical challenges to limit them…many are an inspiration to others.

This blog is directed to those individuals using crutches as excuses for not pressing, and moving forward, those using emotional and mental crutches to stay stuck, stagnant, and paralyzed by fear.

Why are you using crutches? Why are you holding onto emotional and mental paradigms that prevent your forward mobility? Every time there is an opportunity to move forward do you grab hold of your same excuses? Have you used the same excuse so many times that you are locked into the debilitating, “I can’t do it” thinking?

A comfort zone is supposed to be a sweet spot in between plateaus, not a holding place to STOP, get stuck, and make excuses not to move forward.  As we begin the countdown of ending 2018 and ushering in 2019 take an assessment of your life…do you really want to continue to hold onto crutches? Do you want to drop the excuses, set your GPS, and get moving as you walk, jump, and LEAP into a new year!

No excuses, No Crutches, No self-imposed limitations, No permanent comfort zone!

#virtualvitamin

#Brushstrokes

#ChangeDoula

New Year

The Adventure of Leopard Print Eagle Girl & her sidekick CoachTBankston Episode 50: Coach T celebrates turning the big 50

In this adventure that millennial Leopard Print Eagle Girl actually stops soaring threw the skies for a rare twenty minutes and has a conversation with Coach T about aging, wisdom, and what’s it like to be SO OLD.

Let’s listen in…

“So today is your birthday, Coach T how do you feel, you are half of a century old, right?”

“I am glad you asked, Actually I am grateful, honored, and I am at peace…for the first time in my life”. Coach T sighed with a relaxing calm tone.

“The first time in your life, what kind of life have you lived? Oh my God, that sounds horrible!!!” Leopard Print Eagle Girl is always so dramatic…

“Well, the first 50 years of my life I spent seeking approval, and validation from others, and outside sources…I searched high, and low.

I found things to validate me for a moment, and that moment was fleeting. I was on a perpetual search.Never finding anything to make me feel secure about being me.

Until, I secured my relationship with God.

Now, I am looking upward, and inward…the answers have been there all along. There was never a reason to search outside of myself and the Godly spirit that He has placed inside of me”.  Coach T says, in her I have a speech mode…she is so dramatic!

“Wow that is pretty deep, so you are saying that you have all the answers inside of you, Coach T?” Leopard Print Girl laments.

“I am saying, just keep living my youthful friend…you will stop soaring through the skies, zipping around trying to be everything to everyone, and trying to solve everyone’s problems…one day you will learn to just be YOU, and everything that means for YOU.”

Coach T I have to run…there is a damsel in distress, and two more that need to be saved from their dramas…”

“I think she missed the entire point…oh, well back to my inward and upward journey”

Coach T Bankston reminding you to Aim High, Take Flight, Come Soar With Me.

NOT READY FOR FLIGHT…RELEASE DATE: UNKNOWN?

Imagine that you have done the necessary deconstruction of negative thoughts, paradigms, and habits in your life that have kept you stuck.

You wanted to see some Change so you made the decision, and started the process.

You have been very strategic in developing a regime of language replacement techniques, affirmations, journaling, and committed the necessary discipline to see results.

You have invested the time, energy, and resources to CHANGE…you crave some long-lasting life changing transformation.

Friends and family can see that there is something different but they cannot quite figure specifically BUT they know something is different.

What do you do when you have taken the journey to the rocket ship, you have climbed into the spacecraft’s  cockpit, you are in the process of checking your instruments, spaceflight precautions  and procedures.

You flip the engine on, you feel the vibration of the ship’s engine thrust, the smell of the rocket fuel is  as fragrant as apple pie because you know what lays ahead is new, different, and outside of your old comfort zone.

Your new place of comfort is Change, the adrenaline rushes through your body  like waves crashing against the shore.

You have been waiting for weeks, and months for this Change…everything appears ready for launch, and then the Control tower, makes the announcement over the speaker…

“Mission Aborted, Not Ready for Flight…Release Date: UNKNOWN”.

Time stands still when…

•   You didn’t get the promotion another candidate with more experience was selected. 
• Your GPA was one point short and someone else was awarded the scholarship.
• You stepped on the scale and only lost one pound, or you gained one pound!
• You are served divorce papers.
• The bank says no to your application.

What do you do when you are NOT READY FOR FLIGHT…RELEASE DATE: UNKNOWN?

You do more of what worked!

Take a moment, OK five minutes (a five-minute pity party is normal)  and deal with your loss, but jump right back into your CHANGE process.

Feel the shock, disappointment, anger, etc that is normal…BUT

Begin by retracing your steps from start to now, analyze when the process revved off course.

Success always leaves a trail…and failure is a major part of the course!

There is opportunity for growth and development in every “mission aborted moment“.

Reevaluation, realignment, and reconfiguration are all necessary elements to make the future launch successful.

Use each “mission aborted moment” as time to adjust the instrument panel, study the course, and make the necessary CHANGES for the next launch!

There will be more practice tests between that “mission aborted moment” and the “CLEARED FOR LAUNCH MOMENT“.

Get READY to SOAR!

Coach Tanya Bankston

Resolutions or Goals…What’s the difference?

“I don’t keep my resolutions”, and “Goals are too complicated…Why bother?”

These are the comments that I have heard during the last few days, and although not everyone is a goal guru, it is important to set goals.

We are a little over a week before ushering in a New Year, and many people will break their resolutions before the first week of the New Year.

If you have ever joined a gym at the beginning of January, it is packed the first few days, by mid-January it begins to thin out; you know it will be just the regulars in the gym before January 31^st.

Resolution by definition is a strong desire to do or not do something.

A resolution alone is NOT enough.

Sure, a strong desire is necessary, but that alone just won’t do it.

In order to take the resolution to the next level of achievement, it has to be connected to a firm decision to take action.

A-C-T-I-O-N…MOVEMENT towards the desired results.  In order to achieve the desired results, that action has to be consistent, deliberate, and firm.

More times than not we need to revisit the decision…over and over again, and often! The decision has to be constantly before us in order to develop a winning strategy for achievement, and a new vision of the achieved goal.

Let me give you a few examples, so 2018 is the year that you decide to quit smoking.  You have tried before, many times before, but now you feel like you can actually succeed!

So in an effort to succeed this time (once and for all) create a multi-layered action plan.

This might include the decision to use various smoking cessation products (gum, patches, pills, etc.), and hiring a Change Doula  (Coach T and Greater Heights Coaching for example), creating affirmations (verbal and nonverbal messages that you repeat to yourself), developing a plan for getting pass the urge to light up (contacting your accountability partner, taking a walk, going to the gym, etc.).

So in this example there were three layers or levels to help facilitate success in the goal to quit smoking.

Next develop a reward for each time that you accomplish your goal…each time you avoid lighting up…it’s time to celebrate!  Celebrate your accomplishment and layer on your success!

Small successes add up to large successes…Don’t expect this change to occur over night, good habits are developed the same way that poor habits are developed…OVER TIME!

RE-HABITING IS NOT EASY! Give yourself room to perfect your art of developing a new habit.

Exercise your discipline muscle by practicing your decision to accomplish your resolution (strong desire) and your (action) that will lead you to your GOAL STRATEGY PLAN SUCCESS!

This same principle applies to losing weight, going back to school, changing careers, etc….it do Resolution + Goal equation is…the SUCCESS RESULTS WILL BE THE SAME.

For now…Aim High, Take Flight, Come Soar With Me to Greater Heights

Tanya Bankston aka the Change Doula

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The MIS-adventures of Leopard Print Eagle Girl and her side kick Coach T Bankston: Who told you that!?

In this episode, Leopard Eagle Girl and Coach T are engaged in a rather heated discussion about dreams, goals, and exploring passions. As usual, things have gotten  a little over the top between the two, as Coach T gets fired up…Let’s listen.

“Who told you that you could not be a super hero? Who told you that you could not scale to the pinnacle of your dreams, who told you that it is impossible to obtain success, and not have to choose between success and have a loving family? Why do you have to have one or the other!?” Coach T asked with an angry undertone.

“I have heard that all my life”, Leopard Print Eagle Girl retorted.

“As a matter of fact, that is the reason I have decided to devote my life to helping women soar to their next greatest self at the expense of deciding not to get married, and have children.” she continued.

“Wait just one minute!” Coach T raised her voice, and stood up from her sitting position.

“Who told you that you can’t fulfill your dreams? Who told you, that you can’t have a family!? Who told you that you cannot find peace, and fulfillment in both family relationships, and through your success in professional development!?” Who told you that you have to allow one part of who you to wilt, and die to allow another part to grow?”

Leopard Print Eagle Girl, shouted back, “Various people have shared with me to sit down, and stop talking about this crazy superhero nonsense, to get married, have children, and learn to live as other people!

“Why are you getting upset with me? I am just sharing with you what people have shared with me all my life.”

“Well, I understand, but wearing a mask, or living a life that you find to be unfulfilling based on other people’s perceptions, and expectations of you has to be extremely difficult! I mean you soar through the sky, and you SAVE other people, but who are you, really?”

“When will you STOP listening to What people told you and transform your life to walk in your purpose? When will you begin to SOAR and Save yourself from the opinions of other people?”, Coach T asked?

Who told you that you wouldn’t?

Who told you that you couldn’t?

Who told you that it is not possible?

Who told you that it is impossible, that you are the wrong age, the wrong sex, the wrong size, the wrong color, etc?

Who told you that?

Why are you repeating those messages in your mind? Have have you accepted that as your present? Will you make the decision to CHANGE your future? Coach T passionately asked!

Who told you that!?

Leopard Print Eagle Girl, responded, Who told me that? Hmm, maybe you are right, it’s time to make some change.

Background music fades in…tune in to next episode as we reveal, the answer to Who told you that!?